I have been envisioning my wedding for as long as I can remember. I know what I want but now my friends and family members think we’re rushing because "they think" four months is not enough time to plan a wedding.
On another note: My fiance bought the ring and I told him my family would pay for the wedding. They still are but does it matter who pays for the wedding? Does it look bad if my family pays for the entire wedding? Does my fiance’s family have any say if my family pays for the entire wedding?
Timeframe really only matters when it comes to booking your vendors. I went to a wedding last night that they organized in 3 weeks, but the vendors were all available on a Thursday, so it worked out fine. Call your ceremony and reception venues first (and your caterer if it’s not included), then your DJ and bakery, with a list of your preferred dates and what’s still available. 4 months from now is what? October/November? You stand a pretty good chance by being away from the main "wedding season". But get moving on your dress, like, now – that can take a while, especially when you factor in any alterations.
If your fiance’s family WANTS to pay, you should definitely let them have some input (whether you choose to accept their money or not). But if not, you should still get their guest list and keep them up-to-date with how things are going. Traditionally, the bride’s family paid for the whole wedding anyway, so that’s not all that strange – these days, though, many couples pay for it themselves or sometimes both sides of the family chip in. Just be sure you talk to your parents about the budget before you even start shopping around – if you’re only giving them 4 months notice, you may have less to work with than if you waited until next year.
Congrats!
December 26th, 2009 at 5:16 am
Well the people spending the money get a bigger say then those who are not. Are your parent trying to say 4 months is not enough time for them to come up with all the money? If so then you need to really think about that. I think 4 months is totally enough time to plan a wedding.
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December 26th, 2009 at 5:32 am
depending on what kind of wedding you want. if you want a formal traditional wedding with 100+ guests, you can’t just run out and book any reception hall or church 4 mos out. some places are all booked up and you’ll need to push back your date 1-2 years if they don’t have any available dates.
I don’t know why you’d assume your family would pay for the wedding. yes the bride’s family traditionally pays and hosts the event but more recently it falls on the bride and groom to pay for it. reason being it’s not the 1800’s where women didn’t work and they lived with their parents until they were married, then they had no assets of their own so the parents had to pay for the wedding and hand her over to her husband. this is the 21st century and women work and aren’t the property of men, so you and your fiance should be self supporting and able to pay for your own wedding. if your parents or his offer you a lump sum to help with the cost, that’s great.
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December 26th, 2009 at 5:44 am
Ok. Four months is not enough time. Reception halls book one year in advance, as do churches. If you are having live music at the wedding, you need to hire someone to play. Singers? You are going to need to find one or them and hire them. Photographers and video? You need to book that well in advance. You need at least one year. You may want to order a cake, at least 6-8 months in advance. Dresses must be fit an altered, as do tuxedos or suits. This takes time. Are you planning a sit down dinner or a buffet? Open bar, or cash bar with a bartender…Ordering flowers and arrangements for the church and reception area. See? You need time.
As for money….Your parents are sweet, but it is wrong not to include the grooms family on wedding expenses, unless they are unable to help, in which case, keep the wedding simple out of respect for them and your parents’ wallets. The groom’s family should be asked what they can afford to contribute to the wedding expenses. Work with that and whatever you and your fiance are willing to pay and what your parents are willing to pay. Stay within your budget. Set limits and control expectations.
Good luck.
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December 26th, 2009 at 6:00 am
You better get going! Most venues are booked up for a year! You will have to go buy a wedding dress as is because there is no way you can get alterations done in time. Also if you want a photographer start looking now! I’m a wedding photographer and my weekends are booked for the next year.
it can be done though depending on what you want. If you want something at a large hall with lots of flowers, decorations, cake, dj, ect you may be cutting it close.
If you want something in your backyard then it’s doable.
As for your parents paying. It’s fine if they want to. We are paying for our wedding, but my mother insists on throwing something in as a gift since she’s been saving up since I was born and his parents are the same. So we are using their funds as deposit on another house and to buy another car. You shouldn’t exclude your fiance’s parents. I mean, don’t tell them that they have to get over it because your parents are paying. If they want to invite someone and you have room for it then by all means, let them invite them. However, if your guest list is small then they have to cut their guests because your parents are paying for the meals.
Don’t let anyone say "Two adults should be able to pay for their wedding" because there are a lot of parents who WANT to pay for their childs wedding.
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December 26th, 2009 at 6:43 am
Four months is long enough to plan a wedding in theory, but you will probably end up feeling quite rushed and overwhelmed- not to mention the fact that many popular reception venues book up over a year in advance, so you might be out of luck finding a place to get married on such short notice.
It is true that the bride’s family traditionally pays for the wedding, but in recent years it has become more common for the bride and groom to handle all or part of the expenses themselves, now that people are waiting longer than they used to to get married and now often have good jobs and live on their own by that time.
Just out of curiosity, though, may I ask why you are getting married so quickly? No judgment- just wondering because being engaged is a really fun time of your life, with all the attention and parties, etc. I’ve been engaged for nearly 18 months now, and I’m so glad I had all that time to just enjoy it. I got to plan the wedding at a leisurely pace, and my fiance and I were able to save up all the money we need for the wedding because we’ve been saving about $100 per paycheck since about a year ago, so it’s not been too stressful to afford.
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December 26th, 2009 at 6:59 am
hi
I know 4 months is enough and my family paid for it all except my dress but it was All done and very nicely too
but Jenny has a point too maby your parents don’t have enough money to pay for the wedding now or they just think you rushing it
for you fiance family having a say they should have some to say but not much if they aren’t paying anything but you husband to be should have say no matter what he is part of the wedding
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December 26th, 2009 at 7:37 am
check the library they have etiquette books on who pays for what……….you might be able to get it off the internet……your family should not pay for everything….if you do most of the work…..you can plan a wedding in a month…….you have to make check list to make sure you did not forget some thing……make sure you pay all deposits right away….make sure every thing is confirmed
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December 26th, 2009 at 7:44 am
Four months is tight. Finding a venue or vendors that are available on the date you want may be difficult or expensive on such short notice. It could probably be done if you have a wedding planner or can devote all of your time to doing only that. If you’re doing it all, less time means more stress. If you’re paying others, less time probably means more cost.
It’s traditional to have the bride’s family pay for the wedding entirely, even if it’s not very common these days. I think that whoever pays for the wedding gets to make the choices. Hopefully choices are made that everyone can be happy with.
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December 26th, 2009 at 8:23 am
Timeframe really only matters when it comes to booking your vendors. I went to a wedding last night that they organized in 3 weeks, but the vendors were all available on a Thursday, so it worked out fine. Call your ceremony and reception venues first (and your caterer if it’s not included), then your DJ and bakery, with a list of your preferred dates and what’s still available. 4 months from now is what? October/November? You stand a pretty good chance by being away from the main "wedding season". But get moving on your dress, like, now – that can take a while, especially when you factor in any alterations.
If your fiance’s family WANTS to pay, you should definitely let them have some input (whether you choose to accept their money or not). But if not, you should still get their guest list and keep them up-to-date with how things are going. Traditionally, the bride’s family paid for the whole wedding anyway, so that’s not all that strange – these days, though, many couples pay for it themselves or sometimes both sides of the family chip in. Just be sure you talk to your parents about the budget before you even start shopping around – if you’re only giving them 4 months notice, you may have less to work with than if you waited until next year.
Congrats!
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December 26th, 2009 at 8:48 am
4 months is enough time to plan a wedding. You must stay organized and use your friends and families for much needed help. Since it is a short time period, you may stress a little more, but being organized will make all the difference. I would make sure that the venue locations are available first and then get your dress ordered and altered. I dont think it matters who pays for the wedding. These days the bride and groom are paying for it all. I think that your fiance’s family opinion should be taken into consideration even though they arent paying for it.
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December 26th, 2009 at 9:35 am
First, yes, you can plan a wedding in 4 months. It’s a lot harder to plan a large wedding in that time, but a small wedding is easily doable since there are so many more venues for groups under 75.
As the hosts, your family has the final say, but certainly, your fiance’s family can have some input on the wedding.
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December 26th, 2009 at 10:05 am
it depends. i planned mine in 2 but had 6 months. I wasn’t picky so that helped alot and i didn’t need alot of decreations
it doesn’t matter whos paying. if his family wants to help, let them.
best of luck and congrats!
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December 26th, 2009 at 10:49 am
i started planning in mid May of this year and the wedding is on August 8th, so that’s less than 4 months. only about 50 or 60 guests and its in a small town, but i could’ve done it in less time if i had to.
also my parents got married 4 months after they started dating, back in 1981 and they are still happily married. they had an outdoor wedding with only close family and friends and only cake and mints at the reception. simple and elegant.
so it all depends. if you want something super extravagant it may be a time crunch, but if you’re spending a lot of time daily and are organized, you should be able to pull off a great wedding.
good luck and congratulations!
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b2b 8/8/09