I am trying to get my fiancee involved with our wedding, but everytime I bring it up he tells me that I am doing to much for the wedding. He keeps telling me that I don’t need to start planning now. That I should wait a few more months to start planning the wedding. But our wedding is less then 10 months away. I am also having to find hotel rooms for our families but he wont give me all the names of the people that are going to be there. So I don’t know how many rooms to book. I need some major help. Please help me anyone!!!
If he’s not interested in planning the wedding, that’s not a big deal. A lot of men who can’t see any point to the planning for a wedding are still enthusiastic about the marriage. My guy honestly didn’t want any part at all in the wedding plans, but fourteen years later, we’re still more than happily married. He just didn’t care whether we had a big wedding, a small one, a formal or informal one. The process didn’t matter whereas the result did.
Unless the unwillingness to take part in wedding planning is part of a larger pattern of ignoring your needs and wishes, it’s not the horrible sign that some people think it is.
That said, you do need to get certain information from him and the sooner the better.
When I was getting married, my brother called me one day a month or so before the wedding and said if my beloved didn’t get in touch with him and tell him what to wear soon, he was going to show up in a kimono and a top hat! I told him that was fine with me, and then informed my beloved he was getting in touch with his groomsmen and telling them what to wear or they would show up in whatever they liked and It would be his fault because I didn’t care that much.
He called them all and worked it out with them the next day.
In this case, I’d give your guy a deadline by which he needs to get the names and addresses of his friends and relatives to you. Let him know that if he doesn’t come through, you’ll get the list from his mother, at which point she gets the choice of who is invited from his side. Then follow through.
If he has a specific deadline and clear consequences, that may well light a bit of a fire under him. Just be prepared to follow through on any consequences you set.
And yes, I’d have kind of enjoyed seeing my brother in a kimono and top hat. I’m funny that way. But he looked very handsome in his formal suit.
November 29th, 2009 at 2:25 am
If he’s that easily scared off, then he’s not ready for marriage.
Show him information that tells how far out wedding planning should begin and that you are not jumping the gun…waiting until the last minute could mean very little (or nothing) will be done as you desire.
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November 29th, 2009 at 2:58 am
you cant. men hate that sh*t..
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November 29th, 2009 at 3:21 am
Ask him what he would like to be "in charge of" and delegate those tasks to him. That said, most men don’t get involved with the wedding plans anymore than they absolutely have to.
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November 29th, 2009 at 3:34 am
Your finacee seems to lack in an interest in arranging a wedding that will one day lead to a new life together as husband and wife. You need to sit down and tell him that managing a wedding takes nearly a year! If he, the groom, isn’t up helping you, the bride, are you sure he’s ready to actually get married? If he can’t even get off his butt to mail some Save The Dates and Invites., what makes you think that once your married he’ll really help you when you need something. Harsh but true, according to the marital percentage rates in the U.S. there is a fifty-fifty chance that the two of you will stay together. Ask yourself, are you ready for that. Talk to him, tell him your concerns. If he gets motivated and ready, bless you both! If not well…prepare yourself for a lot of tears, Kleenex, and Sex and the City rentals on Friday nights, better known as a stupid marraige.
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Personal Experience, honey! Listen!
November 29th, 2009 at 3:59 am
assign him something you trust him to do… not to big or too much, though
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November 29th, 2009 at 4:14 am
Go ahead with your planning. Tell him you do not want to wait until the last minute. It is not uncommon for planning to start 2 years prior especially for popular reception halls and such. If you are concerned about the hotel rooms perhaps you can reserve a block of rooms in your own name and once your RSVP’s come back you will have the individual names. If it helps go to his mother for names, I doubt she would want the family searching for a place to stay.
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November 29th, 2009 at 4:50 am
Personally i think 10 months is little early for you to start worrying. May b you should give yourself some time and try not to be anxious. Your fiance is keeping himself cool but dont worry he’ll definetly play his part when your wedding is drawing near. You should stop asking him this and dat and make him wonder y you have become so quiet nowadays but if you see some thing nice or fancy jus tell yourself you’ll be coming for it another day. Relax, Wedding is a very big affair and try to make your fiance to be more loving towards you. Dont irritate him and you see what happens. He’ll b the one who will be more anxious than you.
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Wedding comes once in a life time so treasure it. All will come and end well for you. All the best!
November 29th, 2009 at 5:35 am
I wouldn’t press him. There are few things that give guy’s sweaty armpits than wedding planning… it’s a woman’s thing… so I’d really suggest you do it on your own or you could scare him into running away… just like his guy friends will be telling him to do.
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November 29th, 2009 at 5:59 am
he’s not going to be involved…unless you make him. That said, you will scare him off by making him do something. When I got married, my wife got most of my guest list from my Mom. that gave them time to bond too. Just don’t nut up and let the snakes out of your head until you’re married and everything should be fine.
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November 29th, 2009 at 6:45 am
Sit him down and talk to him. Tell him how you feel and why you want to start planning now. If you can’t do that then I am afraid to tell you that your marriage will be stressful. Communication to where both man and woman listens to each other is a key feature to an successful relationship/marriage. Let him know that you want to start planning because you never know what will happen… what kind of life events that will come up and cause a big stress on planning your wedding if you wait until later to start making plans.
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My finance and myself. I am getting Married in May 2008, ~10 months away. I have my dress bought, wedding party decided upon and asked, where our wedding and reception will be and booked, rehearsal dinner planned, a rough number of how many will be there, how I want the church decorated, color of wedding, photographer chosen and asked, hairdresser chosen and asked, and officiant chosen and asked.
Never too early to start planning. Good LUCK!! 😀
November 29th, 2009 at 7:16 am
Typically, men are terrible when it comes to this kind of planning. Plan the wedding yourself with the help of your mother or a trusted friend. Give your fiance specific tasks to do only (pick up the invites, be at the tux rental place at this time, and so forth). As far as booking hotel rooms, give him a deadline and tell him point blank that no rooms will be booked for these people if he has not provided the requested info by a certain time. You could also try contacting his mother or other family member for this information.
If he still gives you problems, I would have a very frank discussion with him about how seriously he takes the purposed marriage.
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November 29th, 2009 at 7:43 am
ok with 10 months to go do you have a caterer booked? as long as you book that day with them you can give exact number of guests later have your dress? fitting will come later. band or dj booked? dont need guest list for that invites sent out? if not dont worry as long as you give like 2 mos notice wedding party picked and a rough idea of colors? i know myself how easy it can be to become stressed about this stuff but honestly most of it can wait a while as long as the major bases are covered. is it possible he is concerned about how much all of this will cost? maybe the discussion to have with him right now is more of what you both want as far as your wedding goes if he wants small and intimate and you want big and showy it could lead to problems in a big way and fast the last thing you want is to turn into a bridezilla and him end up calling it off. right? good luck and god bless and many years of happiness ahead
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November 29th, 2009 at 8:24 am
Relax! You still have time for these things and stressing yourself out will not help.
Have you asked him why he is so reluctant to help? Could be that he is overwhelmed or just not ready to be married. Tell him how important it is to you that you do this as a team and that you want his opinions and input.
Try explaining to him that your wedding is in peak season and there are things that need to be done ahead of time. So far as the hotel rooms, make an educated guess on the number of rooms. You have time to increase or decrease the numbers.
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November 29th, 2009 at 8:35 am
If he’s not interested in planning the wedding, that’s not a big deal. A lot of men who can’t see any point to the planning for a wedding are still enthusiastic about the marriage. My guy honestly didn’t want any part at all in the wedding plans, but fourteen years later, we’re still more than happily married. He just didn’t care whether we had a big wedding, a small one, a formal or informal one. The process didn’t matter whereas the result did.
Unless the unwillingness to take part in wedding planning is part of a larger pattern of ignoring your needs and wishes, it’s not the horrible sign that some people think it is.
That said, you do need to get certain information from him and the sooner the better.
When I was getting married, my brother called me one day a month or so before the wedding and said if my beloved didn’t get in touch with him and tell him what to wear soon, he was going to show up in a kimono and a top hat! I told him that was fine with me, and then informed my beloved he was getting in touch with his groomsmen and telling them what to wear or they would show up in whatever they liked and It would be his fault because I didn’t care that much.
He called them all and worked it out with them the next day.
In this case, I’d give your guy a deadline by which he needs to get the names and addresses of his friends and relatives to you. Let him know that if he doesn’t come through, you’ll get the list from his mother, at which point she gets the choice of who is invited from his side. Then follow through.
If he has a specific deadline and clear consequences, that may well light a bit of a fire under him. Just be prepared to follow through on any consequences you set.
And yes, I’d have kind of enjoyed seeing my brother in a kimono and top hat. I’m funny that way. But he looked very handsome in his formal suit.
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November 29th, 2009 at 8:52 am
We just attended a wedding, and at the brunch the day after the wedding, my fiance said to the groom, "Wow, I’m surprised you guys are up so early" (the wedding ended at 2am), and the groom responded, "It’s the last thing I have to attend." How sad!
I know you don’t want your fiance to check in and play the part of the groom, so the first thing you should do is sit down with him and ask him what he imagines his wedding to be like. Then incorporate his ideas with yours. I think most men don’t get excited because they don’t realize that it’s their party, too. Make him feel that the wedding won’t be any good with his input. Also, explain to him why you are staring so early. Maybe he doesn’t understand that your guests need time to plan. Everyone wants a nice wedding and I’m sure he has ideas that will get him more involved in the planning.
My fiance is excited about the wedding and has been involved in all the planning because it’s not just my ideas and vision. Planning a wedding is a great time to work together as a couple and create an event that represents both of your personalities.
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