I was planning on inviting a few people from work, 3 actually, plus their guest. Now I found out that people from work aer planning a bridal shower for me. I already have almost 90 people coming to my wedding, which I have to pay for per person. I really can’t afford to invite everyone from work (think about 20 more people, plus guest, & their kids). But at the same time I feel guilty for accepting gifts & not giving invites. I can’t really say it’s only a family function since people from work are on my guest list already & I can’t really say it’s "small" when it’s about 90 people coming anyway. Am I expected to invite them once they throw me a shower?
BTW, I had no idea this shower was in the works until today, invites & planning has already started so it’s kinda hard to cancel it now.
First, you have the right to only invite your close friends on the staff. I do wonder: did they set up the shower? If so, that’s in poor taste, seeing as how it comes off as a "gift grab." Second, I am really opposed to workplace showers, whether for babies or for weddings. These kinds of things simply make people feel obligated to spend their cash, lest they seem like they’re not part of the team. While I will strenuously avoid any workplace that would operate in such a manner, not everyone can, and it’s completely unfair to the coworkers who can’t afford gifts for every special event.
If it’s not too late, is there a way to make it very clear that no gifts are expected, but that this is just a celebratory gathering, complete with a nice cake and tea? That way, if people feel motivated to give a gift, they can, but the focus will be on having it be a simple gathering, not on the gifts. And to that end, gifts should not be opened at the gathering, if it’s handled in this manner.
November 21st, 2009 at 2:45 am
I would just say to the ones that ask if you are going to invite them then I would say NO, sorry I have a limited budget and I had already invited as many as we can afford. I will have wedding photos available to show everyone after the wedding. Thanks for asking though. If they get upset then they will get over it.
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November 21st, 2009 at 2:58 am
You are not obligated. You did not invite them to a shower they did it on their own. Stay within your budget, the start of a marriage is no time to go into debt.
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November 21st, 2009 at 3:31 am
If you want to tell them it’s small then it’s fine, you can inform them that its a tight budget and you don’t have to invite people from work just because they are throwing you a bridal shower.
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I’m a wedding planner
November 21st, 2009 at 3:53 am
I agree w/ both Samantha & Bella. I think Samantha said it most diplomatically. I don’t think anyone ever "expects" an invite unless they just haven’t been to many weddings before. Ppl who’ve been to a lot of weddings know that this is the reality of it.
But telling them that you feel touched that they care so deeply, but unfortunately you just have a limited budget* so that dictates how many ppl are coming to the wedding/reception.
I think this term "limited budget" is a good term to use also, b/c you don’t have to feel uncomfortable & mention specifics (dollar amounts, # of guests, prices, etc). Also, when ppl mention financial difficulty, that’s something ALL ppl can relate to, & it will create enough empathy & also a slight amount of awkwardness that they won’t bring it up to you again. Awkwardness b/c they feel bad that they brought it up now that they know that you’re limited b/c of finances.
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My own experiences: the weddings I’ve been invited to, the ones I haven’t, & the ones that I’ve been involved in the "behind the scenes planning".
November 21st, 2009 at 4:06 am
Take my word, if you invite only "3" people from your work, others will be upset. It happened to me too. What I did was invite my coworkers to the wedding only. We had a potluck at work then when i returned.
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November 21st, 2009 at 4:35 am
There is nothing wrong with them through you a shower without you being obligated to invite them to your wedding!! For the most part people know that weddings are expensive and this is something they are doing for you !! Enjoy it and send them a thank you card!! Don’t feel pressure to invite them!!! I had the same thing happen and it went really well!! I had already selected who I was inviting from my office and the shower was a surprise and I didn’t increase my guest list and no one put pressure on me to do so.
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November 21st, 2009 at 4:48 am
First, you have the right to only invite your close friends on the staff. I do wonder: did they set up the shower? If so, that’s in poor taste, seeing as how it comes off as a "gift grab." Second, I am really opposed to workplace showers, whether for babies or for weddings. These kinds of things simply make people feel obligated to spend their cash, lest they seem like they’re not part of the team. While I will strenuously avoid any workplace that would operate in such a manner, not everyone can, and it’s completely unfair to the coworkers who can’t afford gifts for every special event.
If it’s not too late, is there a way to make it very clear that no gifts are expected, but that this is just a celebratory gathering, complete with a nice cake and tea? That way, if people feel motivated to give a gift, they can, but the focus will be on having it be a simple gathering, not on the gifts. And to that end, gifts should not be opened at the gathering, if it’s handled in this manner.
References :